Humorous Quotes about Success

• Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you’ll end up in the police station. ~ Fred Allen
• I dread success. To have succeeded is to have finished one’s business on earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment he has succeeded in his courtship. I like a state of continual becoming, with a goal in front and not behind. ~ George Bernard Shaw
• Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom. ~ George S. Patton
• Success means only doing what you do well, letting someone else do the rest. ~ Goldstein S. Truism
• Behind every successful man you’ll find a woman who has nothing to wear. ~ Harold Coffin
• If at first you don’t succeed, try to hide your astonishment. ~ Harry F. Banks
• We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal, and then leap in the dark to our success. ~ Henry David Thoreau
• We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don’t like ? ~ Jean Cocturan
• Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. ~ Jim Backus
• Be awfully nice to them going up, because you’re gonna meet them all coming down. ~ Jimmy Durante
• The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time. ~ Joe Girard
• We do not know, in most cases, how far social failure and success are due to heredity, and how far to environment. But environment is the easier of the two to improve. ~ John B. S. Haldane
• Everybody loves success, but they hate successful people. ~ John McEnroe
• I couldn’t wait for success, so I went ahead without it. ~ Jonathan Winters
• Success and failure are both difficult to endure. Along with success come drugs, divorce, fornication, bullying, travel, meditation, medication, depression, neurosis and suicide. With failure comes failure. ~ Joseph Heller
• There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it? ~ Kin Hubbard
• If at first you don’t succeed, take the tax loss. ~ Kirk Kirkpatrick
• If at first you don’t succeed, lie, lie again. ~ Laurence J. Peter
• Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world. ~ Lily Tomlin
• How can they say my life is not a success? Have I not for more than 60 years got enough to eat and escaped being eaten? ~ Logan Smith
• If at first you don’t succeed; you are running about average. ~ M. H. Alderson
• She’s the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong. ~ Mae West
• Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed. ~ Mark Twain